Mid August
One of the reps at work threw an event for a work milestone, and invited a bunch of us for happy hour at Topgolf. Audrey and I went for some free food, free drinks, and they didn't even charge for the frustration of proving my inadequacy with a golf club. So put on your funny pants and privilege, we're taking a swing at some golf metaphors for food blogging.
Service and Setting
Easily visible from the I-10 - 1604 interchange, Topgolf is a national chain of high end driving ranges that caters well to groups. Golf clubs are already at your bay which have TVs, a table or couch, food and drink service and unlimited balls dispensed from a divider between bays. It's pretty low effort and low stress and I think golfers and non-golfers alike tend to enjoy the activity. Ordering food and drink at your table is essentially the same as at a restaurant. It is outdoors, but there is plenty of shade and high powered fans to cool things off. Parking is kind of a mess.
Menu
I'd compare it to a poor man's TGI Friday's. They have nachos, wings, pizzas, and burgers. They do that hip-ifying thing where every food gets a one-off. Sliders outnumber burgers, wings are boneless, pizzas become flatbreads. I feel cooler having eaten there.
Beverage
I am not a golfer, but to me it seems that drinking is an imperative for the enjoyment of the sport. This observation is not lost on Topgolf management. There is equal menu space for alcohol and food. The beer list has just about every national domestic, and a few local options. They have elaborate punch bowls and a full bar as well.
I am not a golfer, but to me it seems that drinking is an imperative for the enjoyment of the sport. This observation is not lost on Topgolf management. There is equal menu space for alcohol and food. The beer list has just about every national domestic, and a few local options. They have elaborate punch bowls and a full bar as well.
Sides
Fries and tots with Heinz ketchup. Fries had pretty good flavor with equal crisp to filling ratio. Tots are for mini-golfers.
Fries and tots with Heinz ketchup. Fries had pretty good flavor with equal crisp to filling ratio. Tots are for mini-golfers.
Patty
I ordered the classic burger medium-rare. They even put an official looking flag in the bun to confirm my doneness. The patty was like a smile is at a country club - for appearances only. The taste was a hard slice into the rough - entirely devoid of flavor. The kitchen stumbled into a water-hazard with the only moistness in the burger coming from whatever icicles and frost from the freezer melted back into the burger. I have had better veggie-burgers.
I ordered the classic burger medium-rare. They even put an official looking flag in the bun to confirm my doneness. The patty was like a smile is at a country club - for appearances only. The taste was a hard slice into the rough - entirely devoid of flavor. The kitchen stumbled into a water-hazard with the only moistness in the burger coming from whatever icicles and frost from the freezer melted back into the burger. I have had better veggie-burgers.
Dress and Bun
The bun was about the only positive aspect of the burger. Nice egg-finish to give it eye appeal. I have no qualms about the cheddar cheese either. They left the green for the astroturf as the lettuce was only white with brown spots. I would go on, but it's clear this burger is not redeeming itself with tomato or pickles.
Audrey's take "Give me the nachos back."
Audrey's take "Give me the nachos back."
The Verdict
I have had an internal struggle about reviewing this burger. Not on its grade, it was far and away the worst burger I have eaten since beginning this project. The question is whether the burger is under-par or over-par? Sticking with the golf analogies, it should be a double-bogey, but if I'm comparing it to other burgers, it's sub-par. English is tricky sometimes. Anyway, the activity is fun, the beer is good, and the nachos were better than decent, but the burger is a sand-trap of disappointment. Our first 1-spur burger.
I have had an internal struggle about reviewing this burger. Not on its grade, it was far and away the worst burger I have eaten since beginning this project. The question is whether the burger is under-par or over-par? Sticking with the golf analogies, it should be a double-bogey, but if I'm comparing it to other burgers, it's sub-par. English is tricky sometimes. Anyway, the activity is fun, the beer is good, and the nachos were better than decent, but the burger is a sand-trap of disappointment. Our first 1-spur burger.
