Jazz TX

Jazz TX

Mid July

My friends Matt, Geoff, Allie and I were looking for entertainment on a Saturday night.  Anytime that can be combined with hamburgers is a victory in my book.  Recommended by one of my bosses, Naomi, we went to Jazz TX for some live music, libations and high-concept bar food.  If you want the complete experience, here's some musical accompaniment for this review, like we had for our meal:

Service and Setting
It seems The Pearl can do no wrong.  Jazz TX is a great addition to a stacked hub of restaurant and bar activity at the rejuvenated Pearl Brewery.  Beneath the bottling plant food hall is a cool spot that plays at least two live shows a night.  It's snug and reservations are highly recommended for the weekends in order to secure a table.  Servers are busy bustling drinks and food across the club, and for the most part were attentive and friendly.  We ordered fries with our burgers, and they came out a half hour before the entree.  Drink service was good and water glasses stayed full.

Menu
They serve high-concept bar food, which is thinly-veiled code for "expensive."  It's a limited menu, which starts with queso and ends with osso bucco (lamb shank).  I don't see the connection between a night out for jazz music and a craving for a $40 lamb shank, but I guess this place can make Joe-San-Antonio feel like a high roller.  Their happy hour deals are pretty reasonable by comparison as they take a dollar or two off select beers, cocktails, and shareables.  The one and only burger on the menu is $18 and served a la carte.

Beverage

They have a brief draft list with a good variety of mostly lighter beers.  Some bottles and cans round out the offerings.  The cocktail list has some classics and some adventurous libations, each for $12.

Patty
We ordered burgers medium and medium-rare.  They were cooked appropriately.  The menu boats a 50-50 blend of brisket and chuck.  Very good flavor and juice to the patty.  Certainly the strongest feature of the burger.  Unfortunately, the burger plays a rich-man's version of Chris Madrid's hide-and-go-seek featuring cheese and burger patty.  As evident in the first photo, the Oaxacan cheese melt had me channeling my inner Ghostbuster battling the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

Dress and Bun

The bun had a nice bakery quality to it, but the cornmeal dusting on the bottom had a bad texture in my mouth.  The house pickles were excellent, and my second favorite part of the burger.  Perhaps the biggest burger sin was the greens.  Though offered as a la carte, they neglect to mention they put an entire mixed green salad under the bun.  A wilted stack of greens steamed by the burger heat was stuffed under the center.  It was most reminiscent of a hospital cafeteria salad.  The cheese flavor earned mixed reviews from the table.

Sides
The fries came out way before the burgers.  They are a mix of steak fries and more traditional cut.  Very hot, good soft potato inside without much crunch.  I asked for hot sauce to go with the ketchup, but the request was acknowledged then forgotten.  The fries were fine, but an easy pass if you're not hungry.

Comments from my co-diners
Matt: "The fries came out with the heat of a thousand suns."

Geoff: "My main concern was the salad under the bun lid. Some crunchy green lettuce is good, but this was a tall stack of soft, slightly bitter mixed greens."

The Verdict
I'll do my best to draw a jazz metaphor (apologies in advance for the overreaching Latin-Mexican musician comparissons).  The 50-50 meat blend of ground chuck and brisket was the John Coltrane of the performance.  The Oaxacan cheese advertised itself as Tito Puente, but performed like Pitbull.  The mixed greens was like putting Moby on stage as nightmarish trio.  Instead of a harmony, we ended up with a cacophony of overreaching ingredients.  With a star like the 50-50 patty, every other ingredient of the burger needs to play supporting melody, and not try to improvise for their own featured break.

While the bar and club make for a great night out, steer clear of the burger.  Judged with more scrutiny given the exuberant price, this burger earned a meager 2 spurs.

Max and Louie's

Max and Louie's

Mid July

Geoff and I left dinner #1 un-satiated.  A disappointing showing at EZ's left us with little room for recourse.  I turned to Geoff and asked, "Bang, bang?"  Made famous to me by Louis CK's FX show Louie, the bang, bang is when you eat a meal, turnaround and eat another meal.  With approval from our company including my wife, and coworkers - Jonathan and Vaidehi - we walked to the closest restaurant also serving a burger.

Service and Setting
A very nice environment taking some of the nicer features of a New York style diner, but cleaner.  A big counter to eat at for singles and small groups, plenty of booths and other open tables.  Large photos of popular New York streets adorn the walls. A glass display with meats and desserts pique the appetite.  Our waitress had a little sass which was endearing despite mediocre execution.  The parade of food coming from the kitchen will have you changing your mind from frequently as each item looked more delicious than the next.  I was legitimately tempted away from burgers to consider pancakes, brisket poutine, and a cookie monster sundae before refocusing on my task.

Menu

Classic diner menu that has you covered anytime of day, with any kind of hankering, aside from maybe something light.  The prices are high, but the portions are large, and truly everything looked great.  Most people could make two meals out of most entrees.  We went with the "B.F.S!"  Which was a $20 burger, fries and shake.  That costs more than the items a al carte, but I was reassured that a presentation element made it worth the extra dollar.  We added cheese for $1.  We declined an egg which would have been another $1.50.  I'm not sure the accompanying photo does justice to the magnitude of the half pound burger, cone of fries, and around liter of milkshake.

Beverage

Lots of shake and float options including the Cookie Monster shake which needs to be seen to be believed.  They have Dr. Brown's sodas which is a necessity for a diner experience.  Plenty of beer and liquor options, though for me personally, it seems strange to have a beer in a diner.  Maybe I'm missing out.

Patty

We were asked how we wanted out 1/2 lb burger cooked.  We went with medium-rare.  It was cooked appropriately.  Very good juiciness.  Unfortunately, the flavor lagged behind the appearance and the juice.  It improved with kethcup and mustard, but for the second consecutive burger, the strongest flavor was burnt grease.

Dress and Bun

A very good bun, appropriately sized for the assembly.  The produce was good enough to make the vegetarian at our table coo and tasted as good.  Crisp lettuce, and a couple nice slices of tomato.  Their pickles lean more toward cucumber than pickle and are a little strange.  I was very pleased with the construction of this burger.

Sides

Fries were seasoned well. Could have had a softer inside.  The lone half of pickle was a little stingy. I suppose as ordered the shake was a side as well.  It had good flavor, but tasted more like milk than shake.  I think a good milkshake should have you reaching for a spoon for fear of bursting a capillary trying to draw it through a straw.

Geoff's take 2: Exciting presentation, bland burger

The Verdict
There are plenty of reasons to visit Max and Louie's, and every item a server carries to a different table will have you considering a different page in the menu.  The burger did a lot of things right, with excellent toppings and a big juicy burger, unfortunately, the overall flavor fell a little short.  I'd say it's worth heading to Max and Louie's reasons aside from the burger, but if you are really hankering for a beef, it is reasonable to order the burger while you're there.  It earns a respectable 3 spurs.

EZ's Brick Oven and Grill

EZ's Brick Oven and Grill

Bitters location
Mid July

For a Sunday night dinner we were looking for something quick with a broad menu.  One of my co-workers, Vaidehi, announced her intention to come along to one of these outings to give a veggie burger rating - we even made a 1-5 broccoli florets scale for her.  Unfortunately, the quality of the ingredients in EZ's veggie patty fell below her standards, so we will have to wait for another edition for a veggie burger review.

Service and Setting

Standard counter operation. Looks a little bit like The Max from saved by the Bell with neon details throughout.  There are lots of paintings of fish that look like the Ballast Point brewery labels that are pretty serene.  Plenty of crayons and coloring sheets for the little ones.  Service was fine.

Menu

A diverse menu with burgers, pizza, salads, and pasta.  They had several burger meat options including beef, bison, turkey, and veggie.  They will swap any patty into of their burger constructions.  Unfortunately, they were out of bison.  Also, for a half pound burger they didn't ask how we wanted it cooked.

Beverage

A bit of a weak beer selection in bottles and cans.  Pepsi products in the soda fountain.

Patty
We went with the poblano burger and the bean burger with beef as they were out of bison.  Again, we weren't asked how we wanted the burger cooked; they both came out medium-well.  As you can see in the photo, the bun and the wax paper are totally dry.  The burger didn't really drip at all, indicating a sub-standard level of juiciness.  It managed to not be dry at least.  Flavor was rather bland.  It had that burnt grease flavor of the griddle.

Dress and Bun

The menu default for both of the burgers was a gluten-free wheat bun.  It was awful.  You have heard me rant about wheat buns in the past, and why they have no place in burgerland, but I guess I'll just have to do it again.  A wheat bun does not turn something that is inherently unhealthy into something that is good for you.  Hamburgers are meant to be eaten on occasion, and when you do decide to have a "naughty" meal, don't mess it up by putting it on a wheat bun.  My wife had the classic burger, and said the white bun wasn't much better.  Otherwise, toppings were fine. Geoff doesn't like Fritos on burgers.  I thought the beans were fine, but keeping in the theme of things, were low on flavor.  The poblano peppers were just ok as well.

Sides

We got the sampler basket. Excellent sauce options ranging from Thai chili oil to Lea and Perrins Worcestershire.  I thought the sweet potato fries were a little too thin.  The onion rings and curly fries were good.

Geoff's take: It has the flavor of backyard cookout with a bunch of grilled frozen patties and the cheapest buns in the grocery store.

The Verdict

It is a fun restaurant with nice things to look at and a large menu.  But being a burger blog, Geoff and I couldn't get over the dry and flavorless patty, mediocre toppings and an awful bun.  Unfortunately, we have to give both burgers we tried 2 spurs.  In fact, we were so poorly satiated, we needed something else to salvage the night.  We left and walked immediately over to Max and Louie's and split a third hamburger.

Zinc Bistro & Wine Bar

Zinc Bistro & Wine Bar

July 2018

Geoff and Allie were nice enough watch over our dog, Coco Theobroma, while we were out of town for a wedding.  In my book, they are owed at least a meal as a thank you.  I think I first heard of this place on the San Antonio Magazine Top 50 Texas burgers.  We headed downtown for Zinc.

Service and Setting

On a Saturday night, the only immediate seating was at the bar. Our wives appreciated the purse cubby beneath the bar.  It had just been raining, otherwise the back patio looked like a great spot for a cool night.  Service was attentive even at the bar, and food came out quickly.  While the restaurant was full, it never felt overcrowded or too loud.

Menu
The menu features two burgers - the classic Zinc burger and the Lamb burger.  While the menu is small, it is diverse with several seafood and meat options.  It is french-inspired, but not overly francophilic.  Great prices for downtown: the burger with fries will only set you back $10.  We got both the Zinc burger and the Lamb burger.

Beverage

No beer on tap, but for a place with  "& Wine Bar" in their name, I suppose one should expect as much.  It is indeed an extensive wine list. They had enough beers in can and bottle for us to find something that paired well with burgers.  Cocktails were reasonably priced as well, but we did not imbibe.

Patty
We were indeed asked how we wanted our burgers cooked.  We each went with medium-rare, but I would say both came out closer to rare.  For the zinc burger, the patty was its strongest feature.  A nice juicy and flavorful patty, that despite its size held together well.  The lamb burger was actually even better.  They avoided the obvious route and held off on the mediterranean spices as places often do with lamb.  It still manages to be a meaty burger instead of a gyro-burger.

Dress and Bun
Buns had an oatmeal sprinkle on top and were soft and fresh.  I'd say a good bun-to-burger ratio, but my last bit on each burger half was entirely bread.  The zinc burger has cheese two ways - a slice of cheddar on top, and a parmesan crustinni thing on the bottom.  Neither cheese had me too excited.  I appreciated the extra crunch from the crustini, but I could have just as easily done without.  I only tasted their tomato aioli on a few bites.  The bib lettuce was visually overpowering (on arrival you see only green on the burger), but taste wise went well.  The lamb burger was certainly the star.  Fig jam, brie, and sweet grilled onions complemented the lamb superbly.  That great sweetness of the figs and onions balanced by the brie buttered all of the flavors over my palate.  I think both burgers suffered from some topping distribution problems, and certain bites were outright plain compared to others.

Sides

The home fries were uninspired.  The sweet potato fries were thin and crispy - clearly the superior of the two but nothing to write home about.  Other sandwiches came with a very nice salad, and it may be worth asking for the substitution.  A pro-tip is to ask for the secret house ketchup.  I think they had a house-made Siracha with it, and it is far superior to the typical fancy ketchup.

The Verdict
Geoff and I battled on this one.   While both burgers were good, I didn't think either was worth a trip downtown to crawl through traffic and pay $10 to park.  The Zinc burger was satisfactory and worth ordering if you find yourself at the restaurant.  I was pretty set on 3 spurs, but Geoff swore by the lamb burger.  I agree they did do some special things with that burger, and ultimately succumbed to peer pressure. Outvoted by Geoff and our wives, I rounded up to 4 spurs on the lamb burger.

Big'z Burger Joint

Big'z Burger Joint
Mid June 2018

 Sunday evening meant no rush hour, so seemed like a good day to expand my range.  My wife and I met Geoff on the north side of 1604 at Big'z.

Service and Setting

It's a big red barn.  The parking lot was pretty full for a Sunday night, but inside there's ample indoor and outdoor seating.  It is a order-at-the-counter operation and you'll return to pick up your order when called over the PA.  I've been to a lot of "family-friendly" burger spots of late; as far as playgrounds go, this one was simply astroturf and some rubber balls.  Interestingly, the kids seem to be having just as much fun as on the slide at The Cove, or the Playmobile set at Tycoon Flats.

Menu

The menu looks pretty simple at first glance.  What you soon realize is that aside from size options, there are a dozen topping add-on options, 5 different bun options, and probably 20 sauce options.  They have a "make it dirty" option which I assumed had something to do with rapper Ol' Dirty Bastard's well-publicized heart disease before his death in 2004, but it turns out it just means adding an egg.  They'll ask you how you want that cooked too.

Beverage

A barely-satisfactory list of beers, some of which are on draft and others some bottles.  Not particularly featuring Texas-local brews.  Soda and double-thick shakes as well.

Patty

Half pounders ordered as a single, double, or triple.  I saw one double come out, and that seems like a stretch for most folks.  I don't know who is eating the triple since the longed-for San Antonio Raiders are the closest we get to having an NFL team in town.  They will ask how you want it cooked, and all three of our burgers came out the right temperature.  Really had juice over grease.  Great, beefy flavor.  Enjoyable edge to edge.

Dress and Bun

There are 5 or so bun upgrades, but I don't think I saw any come out of the kitchen.  That standard bun was good.  It stood up well to the challenge of a densely-topped burger.  I'd say it may be the weakest part of the burger as far as flavor, but it does a good job of holding everything together.  My wife, Audrey, dressed her burger up with American cheese, avocado, bacon and a fried egg.  I won't pretend decisions like these weren't part of the reason I married her.  I went with pepper jack, beer-battered onions and an egg.  I was drowning in onions.  They were good, but a quarter slid off when I picked up the burger, and I removed another quarter so I could taste the burger underneath.  My egg was a little undercooked (the egg white was still booger consistency).  We all agreed the toppings were fresh and tasted good.

Sides

Fries, rings, sweet potato fries.  The french fry experience reminds me most of eating in fries in Belgium.  Excellent flavor, good crunch with high inner-potato ratio.  Not as much crisp to is.  They came in a cone.  Also like Belgium, the sauce options extend way beyond ketchup to a dozen different flavored mayo's (ranging from basil to truffle), as well as mustard and ketchup twists.  I'm surprised they don't play up adding the sauces to the burgers more.

Geoff's Take:  "The patty had a wholesome beef flavor, and the toppings tasted fresh. I wasn’t as impressed with the fries as you were."

The Verdict

Juicy and delicious burger.  Endless customization to give you new things to try.  Consistent experience for all of our burgers.   Really worth driving out to enjoy.  A whole-hearted 5-spur burger.

Tycoon Flats

Tycoon Flats

Early June

To fuel up before some Saturday night revelry (read: beat Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Arcade at Slacker's), my buddy Webb and I went to Tycoon Flats.  One of the closest burger restaurants to my home in Tobin Hill, I've eaten here with my wife about three times, but not in the last 6 months.  My experiences in the past ranged from great to dissatisfied, but today I gave it a shot for a burger-centric evaluation.

Service and Setting

In simplest terms, the setting is a poor-man’s version of The Cove.  I say that as more of a compliment to The Cove than criticism of TF.  The outdoor area is a little smaller, the playground is much smaller, and there's less indoor seating.  No live music, and TVs above the bar.  Again, it's a perfectly nice place to sit and enjoy a summer night with a beer, burger and friends, it's just striking to contrast it with The Cove.  Service tonight was friendly and attentive.

Menu
An almost overwhelming amount of creative burger options. Also with large pictures for those who can't read good.  I think 80% of the specialty burgers have bacon or ham.  They have a third page of Flatsburgers and Izebox burgers, but I don't see too many of those coming out of the kitchen.  They also take the state fair approach in that a lot of the menu items spend some time in the deep fryer.  Aside from that, there is a pretty wide selection of bar food including wings, sandwiches, and TexMex.  Half-pound specialty burgers range from $13 to $15 and include fries.

Beverage

They have a respectable list of Texas beers on draft and in bottle.  Lots of margarita options which my wife has enjoyed in the past.  Good daily happy hour specials too.  It was hard to pass on the milkshake at the end of our meal.

Patty

Our waitress steered us to the fried green apple burger, and got the fried avocado burger as our second.  The kitchen was on point tonight.  The burgers came out fast, medium rare  (as requested), meaty and juicy.  For the first time since Fattboy did I have some juices dripping back on to my plate.  Great flavor and cooked right.  None of the toppings overpowered the burger.  The only collateral damage to all that juice was the bottom bun which essentially disintegrated.

Dress and Bun

Webb nor I are that excited about bacon, so we left it off the burger.  The fried green apple burger was downright excellent.  The sweetness of the caramelized onions and apple, that sting of the bleu cheese and the delicious meaty patty combined for a unique and remarkable burger.  None of the components overwhelmed the others, and I savored every bite.  The fried avocado burger left me less enthused.  Frying the avocado only detracted from the flavor of the fruit, and didn't give it enough crunch so they still opted to put tortilla chips on top.  Again, it was cooked properly, but seriously behind on flavor, especially after tasting the fried green apple burger.  It was pretty mediocre.  Probably the only weakness for this burger is the bun.  They use with a sourdough split top.  It is good, and it doesn't detract from the toppings, however the bottom bun cannot stand up to the wetness of the burger.  The last few bites end up being a combination scoop-with-the-top-bun-and-fork-it-to-your-mouth maneuver.

Sides

Fries included and lots of good upgrade options.  I'm a hot sauce and ketchup kinda guy, and since they have Cholula, I'm a happy camper.  We went with mixed fries (both regular and sweet potato).  They were fine.  Sweet potato fries were slightly superior.  Both were a little low on crunch.

The Verdict

Tycoon flats has a few of shortcomings as a restaurant, but the fried green apple burger is one of the best things I've tasted this year.  My experiences at the restaurant have been hit or miss, but the fried green apple burger is a grand slam.  Worth making a special trip to try it, I give it 5 spurs.

The Cove

The Cove

Early June

One of my coworkers, Chris, has been trying to spark a tradition of a monthly work outing for mental health (read: drink beer).  Looking for a good spot for groups, an impressive beer list, and food, we ended up at The Cove for a weeknight outing.

Service and Setting

This place is to restaurants what Kordell Stewart was to the NFL.   I would venture to say that this has to be in the top 3 car wash/laundromat/beer garden/organic restaurants in the country.  I would say it’s the best, but I assume somewhere in the country there is a challenger.  If you can find another two, I would take it as a personal challenge to visit and rank them.  Anyway, the place is a cacophony of sound between live music, children skinning their knees on the playground equipment, and the 2 birthday parties you’re likely sitting between.  You’ll order at the counter and take your number to an open table.  I think 2 out of the 4 times I’ve been here I’ve sat next to a bathroom.

Menu

Boasting their “SOL” food menu (sustainable-organic-local), the menu should be able to satisfy the most socially-conscious salad eater among your work friends.  They offer an array of well-curated burgers, some tacos, and vegetarian options.  They boast that their fries are gluten free which has never influenced an eating decision for me.

Beverage

Serviced by not one but two bars!  The Texas bar in back has an impressive draft list, and isn’t unfriendly to sampling for the indecisive.  Their soda machine dispenses Stubborn Soda which uses cane sugar to trick people into thinking it's somehow healthier.  They also have the (ubiquitous in San Antonio) 500ml glass bottle classic sodas (Coke/Sprite/Fanta).  I was unsurprised to see a co-worker's 13 year old son, Connor, run in circles for an hour straight after drinking conservatively 100g of sugar.

Patty

On to the burgers.  Geoff and I went halfsies on the Texas burger and the Bison burger.  We weren't asked how we wanted it cooked, and they came out cooked through.  There was no burger juices running out the back.  they were on the dry side and over-cooked.  The Texas burger had equal parts refried beans to beef, and the bison was overpowered by bleu cheese.  While they brag about the things that aren't in their burgers (hormone and antibiotic free), they seem to have missed the things that are supposed to be in the burger (flavor and juices).

Dress and Bun

Served on a wheat bun without sesame seeds.  It tastes healthy instead of good.  As far as toppings, the grilled onions and avocado were good on the Texan.  The corn chips where stale and didn't add much.  The refried beans were tasty, but on bites were more prevalent than the beef.  As mentioned before, the bison was strong on the bleu cheese.

Sides

Got both the regular and sweet potato fries.  Sweet potato is definitely the way to go.  Good texture and flavor with a side of siracha mayo.  The regular fries were under crisped and under salted.

Geoff's Take: "I would come back, but not for the burger."

The Verdict

The venue and beer selection are great.  The burgers look and sound better than they taste.  When I'm eating a hamburger, I'm not going to sell myself a story that it's somehow healthy.  When you compare a wheat bun to white, hormone-free to typical beef, and coke to cane-sugar soda you're not talking about adding years to your life - in fact, the calories of all these foods are the same.  Sure, they are health conscious decisions that we should probably consider for everyday dining in our homes, but when I'm out for a burger, I want something that tastes good first and foremost.  For that, the burger only earns 2 spurs.